When we were dating, we took dance lessons. It was the typical ballroom style class, learning everything from the fox trot and waltz, to the tango, rumba, and shottish (which came in handy at our wedding, by the way). Learning to dance, we focused on where the steps should go and maintaining our individual space, while attempting a fluid motion.
Our dear little dance teacher, Billie, emphasized certain points, but they weren't what you'd think a dance teacher would focus on. She said most of all to have fun and make sure you look like you're having fun. Don't look at your steps or squeeze your partner's hand too tight. Don't stress out too much if you make a mistake or get off beat. Just let it go and move on. Enjoy the dance.
She always said couples who dance together stay together because dancing was so much like life with someone. Each maintaining their separate space, while working together, adjusting to each other, letting slip-ups go without ruffling the overall goal too much. What wisdom Billie had!
This time in life with small children, we can totally be out of sync and exasperated at our partner's shortcomings, or we can let the small things go and take a step back. Enjoy the dance. Enjoy the challenge of it all as well as the many moments of joy. We're growing. We're living. And we're learning to love each other better.
I recently had the privilege of hearing Steve Call speak at our MOPS gathering. He is a marriage and family therapist and instructor at a local graduate school. He brought together the idea of how marriage and parenting can be similar.
Both deal with really seeing others, rather than focusing on yourself. There is a turning toward - a seeking of affection or attention or some other need. And we have a choice to turn toward our loved ones or away from them. And we have to be aware enough to recognize their bid in the first place. When we are consistent and available, our loved ones feel, well, loved. So, here is a link to the talk. Enjoy. And may you be more loved and a better giver of love because of it.
UPC MOPS - Steve Call
Look at the righthand sidebar and click on the MOPS Talk February 21.
Lately, Emma has been imagining herself as a puppy, lion, mama, or Jane from Mary Poppins. Of course, the rest of us fill the various roles to go along with each character. Here is a clip of her being a puppy at the mall. She brought extra shoes so her "feet" would not get dirty.
The day started out rather pleasantly. "Good morning, Emma."
"It's sweetheart, princess Emma."
Well, okay. "Good morning, sweetheart, princess Emma."
We imagine we and all Emma's stuffed animals are taking a trip to Disneyland, complete with packing, airport waiting, flying, checking into the hotel and eating at Mickey's restaurant (not sure if such a place even exists). Emma sure believed it though. When Ryan woke up and walked past the table, she exclaimed with complete delight, "We're eating at Mickey's restaurant, Daddy!"
Then I went to feed Jack and Ryan played with Emma for awhile...
In the two minutes it took for me to brush my teeth and Ryan to change Jack's diaper, Emma somehow got the paint out and began "painting her room" - walls and floor. This just after me cleaning up all the washable marker from her pictures and toys in the previous two days.
Then a family trip to the soccer fields in the rain. Jack wasn't too happy by the end of it, but Emma sure had fun.
While rocking Jack to sleep, maybe 5 minutes, 7 tops, Emma proceeded to cut the dangling toys from Jack's bouncer chair, because she didn't want them there anymore. Who let her have the scissors? (I had already placed them on the fridge due to the Mowgli haircutting and accidentally clipping his ear incident a week and a half or so ago.)
Then Emma and I prepare lunch. I leave Emma eating at the table when Jack awakes.
Next, I hear this banging/clicking sound. It sounds like the front door (which we have a "childproof" lock on, though it is apparently not "Emma" proof, as she opens it every evening when she hears Ryan unlock the deadbolt above... and sometimes during the day when she wants to go outside, which we've talked about), so naturally I was concerned. Thankfully, Emma hadn't opened the front door, but instead she had tied a long piece of pink yarn around her nightlight and was throwing it to the top of the shelves in her room, seemingly fishing for something. So, I take that away and continue nursing Jack, when she ties a long piece of pink yarn to her lamb, Joshua's (who is a girl), head and puts a baby doll dress on him/her, saying, "Look Mommy! Doesn't she look beautiful? She's Rapunzel!"
Finally, it's time for Emma's nap, which I'm lucky if she takes, so technically it is quiet time. By this time, Emma has tied pink yarn around herself and one of Jack's large toys and is pulling it like a sled-dog. We remove the "harness," read a story about Curious George letting puppies out of their pen (which, by the way, I'm not sure is a good influence since when talking with her about her marker drawing on non-paper items the other day, she insisted it was okay because Curious George would've done it), and I tuck my little puppy into bed after she licks Jack on the cheek and insists on sleeping in a curled up ball without blankets like a dog.
Whew! It is only 12:30. It is definitely easier to go to work.
And for those of you wondering about my complete lack of parenting skills, I do keep the paint in a closet, up high, in a drawer, but Emma has figured out a way to access nearly everything, including the highest shelf in the kitchen and childproof bathroom cabinets. She comes by this naturally. I've heard stories of Annie and I dumping flour down the toilet, cleaning the living room floor with the garden hose, going out toward the park by ourselves, and getting our parents lighters down from the fridge to "cook" on the stove. Luckily, Emma hasn't gotten to the top of our fridge yet (where we've placed our butcher block of knives due to the crayon cutting incident, all scissors, and matches - which hopefully, we won't have to deal with a match-lighting fiasco). Meanwhile, Jack is smiling his sweet smiles and Emma is dreaming up new ways to assert her independence. Are we done with "3" yet?
Enjoy this classic:
Bangles- Manic Monday
